I'm here because a woman in recovery from childhood sexual abuse told me that hearing my story helped her heal. Because a man in recovery from internet porn addiction told me that my story turned him away from following the same path I had. Because therapists, clergy, and law enforcement tell me that someone needs to talk about these things.
As a father, teacher, writer, and public speaker on children's issues, I believed deeply in protecting kids. But I was also compulsively seeking illicit hits on the internet. To feed that addiction I finally committed a crime that betrayed everything I believed in, that made me a party to the sexual exploitation of children. I downloaded child pornography.
I'm writing this from federal prison, among hundreds of other men who committed that once rare but now sickeningly common crime. All of us are tempted to disappear behind a curtain of shame. But in our silence we disown our victims, and we leave other potential perpetrators struggling in the dark with their addictions.
I've hurt a lot of people. I owe it to them to share everything that led me to do it─but also everything I've discovered since. Recovery and sanity and self-understanding. Love and community and the end of isolation. The healing power of honesty. Spiritual awakening. A new purpose in life. Freedom from the prison of porn.
This blog is not administered by Gerard Jones but consists of letters from prison. Much of this material will be published in book form, all proceeds going to victim restitution and recovery programs. You can fact-check it against the court records accessible online through PACER. (There are also old articles on the web, but all grossly inaccurate.)
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